The email address of our erstwhile correspondent has been more or less left out of the following exchange for their own good. It should be noted that all three of the messages which we received were sent within an hour of one another; Tim responded leisurely and severally over the course of the subsequent week. These messages have been presented unaltered other than the aforementioned suppression of the email address in the From: line of the mail header.
From: (address suppressed)
To: tim@queeg.com
Subject: Helloooooooooooooooo Kitty
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 16:47:00 EDT
This site is weird, some of the stuff you say.........
From: tim@queeg.com
To: (address suppressed)
Cc: tim@queeg.com
Subject: Re: Helloooooooooooooooo Kitty
Date: Thu May 28 22:04:28 PDT 1998
While Tims and I are intrigued with your Pikke Bikke/Third Gunman Theory, we must admit that we are currently too inundated with Sanrio scandals to investigate it any further. Please forward any further evidence to either Tim or Tim (but not to myself at the moment please), and we will take up the case with you at a later date when we are finished with our expose on the mysterious disappearance of Pudding the Dog's posterior aperture, and a study of the odd case of Bad Badz Maru, the penguin who's outlandish hairstyle is ominously overshadowed by the fact that penguins don't have hair. Again, thank you.
From: (address suppressed)
To: tim@queeg.com
Subject: :- I am not a fan, but please read! :-
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 17:35:33 EDT
Tims,
Hello!!!! I am writting to yet you know...You all are very very very very
very very very very very very very very very veryvery very very very very very
veryvery very very very very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very
very very very very veryvery very very very very very very mental!!!!!! Do
you have no life so you tell everyone Hello Kitty has no mouth?!
MY POINT
Tims have no mouths, but they must scream. That is why their heads are so big.
Tims have no mouths, yet they speak the truth.
Tims have no mouths, so where has all the porridge gone? Up your...
Tims have no mouths, and yet they have a tongue.
Tims have no mouths, but they keep buying toothpaste.
Tims have no mouths, but they always eat their vegetables.
Tims have no mouths, and yet they have no mouth.
Tims have no mouths, and yet one of their listed hobbies is eating the cookies
their sisters bakes.
Tims wept for they have no mouths, until they met a man who had no face.
Tims have no mouths, but they still know how to whistle.
Tims have no mouths, but it only takes them three licks to get to the Tootsie
Roll center of a Tootsie PopTM
Tims have no mouths to spite their faces.
Tims have no mouths, and by this time their lungs are aching for air.
Tims have no mouth, and yet in space you can hear them scream.
Tims have no mouth, and yet mmmmph mmphhmmph mmphmppph!
Tims have no mouth, and yet their mother can't get her to stop sucking her
thumb.
Tims have no mouth, but man can they hum.
Tims have no mouth, and yet they are sooooo hungry.
Tims have no mouth, and yet their dentist always gives them a sugar-free
lollipop.
Tims have no mouth, and yet children are starving in Africa.
Tims have no mouth, and yet they always putting her foot in it.
Tims have no mouth, and yet their breath is always minty fresh.
Tims have no mouth, and when they gets sick, their head swells to near
bursting.
Tims have no mouth, and so they really didn't inhale.
Tims have no mouth, and yet they are expert with a blowgun.
Tims have no mouth, and yet their lipstick is prostitute red.
Tims have no mouth, but they make that saxaphone come alive.
Tims have no mouth, and yet they also has no shame.
Tims have no mouth, and yet they often smokes in bed.
Tims have no mouth, and yet they're bulemic.
Tims have no mouth but hey, cocaine goes up your nose!
Tims have no mouth, but they still enjoys a good cigar.
Tims have no mouth, and yet they always are coughing up hairballs.
Tims have no mouth, and yet I don't know why they swallowed a fly. Perhaps
they'll die. DIE DIE!
Tims have no mouth, and yet they should go her ---->
Illnesses & Treatments
. Please try going you will feel better and you all won't be as mental as
you are.
Tims have no mouth, yet they're reigning 'Star Search' lip synch champion.
Tims have no mouth, yet they're the spokesperson for Sanrio.
Do you see my point, Tims?! SORRY, you make no since you have no life and
MOUTH!!!!!!
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!
Thank you,
Me
From: tim@queeg.com
To: (address suppressed)
Cc: tim@queeg.com
Subject: Re: :- I am not a fan, but please read! :-
Date: Wed May 27 13:52:41 PDT 1998
Dear sir or madam,
Your kind note is very much appreciated. We too are deeply concerned about the state of Hello Kitty's mouth, and your point about Pochacco is particularly well taken. This is especially true in light of the recent India bombings. Heaven only knows what sad figure of feline mummery we may see next!
However, we don't agree that a similar campaign is needed with regards to Keroppi's nose; Keroppi is a frog, and so naturally has no visible nose. Kermit, you will recall, has no nose either, but has never had any trouble with his sense of smell.
Grammatically yours,
Tim
From: (address suppressed)
To: tim@queeg.com
Subject: This is neat so look Tims!
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 17:40:34 EDT
PLEASE COME TO MY WEB SITE...you will like it!
Tims' mouths
From: tim@queeg.com
To: (address suppressed)
Cc: tim@queeg.com
Subject: Re: This is neat so look Tims!
Date: Tue May 26 09:24:07 PDT 1998
Tims are trying to throw you off the trail. They have a secret that only us Tims and the Rosicrucians know. Beware your digging into unmarked graves! If only you knew the truth, you wouldn't be so fast to fall in league with the dark powers of Witchie-Poo...
Of course I understand your natural skepticism, of course I do. I am your friend. Tim and that other known as Tim are not nearly so understanding. They stare at me, unfeeling, with those big black eyes with no lids or pupils or colored bits that come from your father's side (or is it your mother's side?) Irises! That's it, they have no irises.
What they might do... It makes me shudder to think of Tim's abilities with a fondue fork. I can protect you from their wrath but only if you give up this quixotic pursuit of the Casolaro Papers. "Remember: Terribilis Est Locus Iste!
From: tim@queeg.com
To: (address suppressed)
Cc: tim@queeg.com
Subject: Re: Hello Kitty Has No Mouth
Date: Sat May 30 02:11:61 PDT 1998
Greetings,
We are unable to process your application for a duck-hunting license
at this time. Your record of poor conduct during your military
service and your subsequent history of embezzlement in civilian life
would not normally be sufficient to disqualify you; but when coupled
with the petition from your neighbors regarding the confiscation of
your ice sculpting equipment, we have no choice but to turn you down.
On a personal note, Tim and I would like to express our condolences on
the recent passing of your constitutional amendment. We have all felt
the loss of a loved one, and this must be a particularly trying time
for you.
Sincerely,
Tim